2004 RG Impressions
John McGondel

WOODSTOCK: THE RG.

It's funny sometimes how one can draw parallels. If you ever saw the movie about the Woodstock music festival of 1969 (Woodstock: The Movie), you might remember that it began with the laborious process of setting up that huge and now historical event. Then came the actual event. And then an enormously larger crowd than was expected showed up. And it all came together in an almost magical fashion, and was a tremendous success. And at the end, it showed the empty fields and the cleaning up process.

On Thursday, the day before the RG officially began, I went to the site to deliver the tee-shirts and to help with the set-up. On Friday the crowd began tickling in. By Saturday night it was obvious that we got more people than I personally had expected to see. And it/we came together nicely, very nicely. Lynn Pina in the role of Michael Wadleigh the director.

Susan Barnes worked like a stevedore to keep everybody well-fed and comfortable. I gave up trying to count the loaves and fishes she kept serving up to the multitudes. The last count I heard, which I am relatively sure is unofficial, was 172 people.

Ben Thompson was OUT!-STANDING! as the younger people's coordinator.

Three days of fun and music. And Peace, let's not forget the Peace. Someone should write a novella about it. . .

Fast-paced, non-stop enjoyment. Good people. With just the right amount of adventure, intrigue, and surprises. I write this now, on the very rough Monday morning after. Some things that are in my journal are: The Cuban Cigar Massacree, complete with eight-by-ten glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one; midnight interlopers (the elevator note from the eighth floor); my Janet Jackson SuperBowl Tribute; "D-Sig" (or what I refer to as the Roamin' Orgy); a Scottish kilt (what WAS he wearing under that?); more beer than a lot of micro-breweries (thanks Bill); Joe Zanca (no need to add any descriptive there); Eileen and the auctioned video-tape; the tee-shirt contest!!! (John Lewicke's head popping out of the shirt- the closest my wife has ever gotten to looking like Dolly Parton); 6,487 bags of trash :); Walter keeping vigil; foot-rubs; back-rubs; front-rubs; laughing with Bill Alleman until my face and stomach hurt (". . .JL: get in there you skinny little. . ."); silliness; fascinating conversations.

And that's just the stuff that's on the first page. More later.

Anyway, I have a date with an Alka-Seltzer. Lynn Pina: You stood the chapter proud, and you certainly proved yourself. In the last 35 years since the original music festival, I have never compared anything else to it. That ought to say something.

The last thing I remember seeing, as we drove away, was John Lewicke loading the trailer by himself. The crowds were gone.

How in the world are we ever going to top this for next year?

AH! GEE! 2004.

After a few days to recuperate, (and to give my liver the much needed and well deserved rest that I promised it), I have been shifting through a combination of hastily scrawled notes and memory-mists. And a few more thoughts floated up from the neural pathways of my tired brain:

I heard a lot of commenting about female (well mostly female) flashers, however in all honestly I only counted three sets of exposed breasts, again, mostly of the female variety. Well, then again, I am assuming they were female, as I didn't actually investigate to be sure.

I also seem to remember that we did finally arrive at a definitive answer as to what was (not) under the kilt.

It has been brought to my attention that when I previously mentioned the back-rubs, foot-rubs, and front-rubs, I had neglected to include bottom-rubs. To this I must disagree, as it wasn't neglect, it was a conscious decision on my part to block out that scene in the D-Sig room on Saturday night. Now, someone might ask me why I left out the bottom-rubbing? Well, if I had included the bottom-rubbing I would also have felt obligated to include the spankings which were also going on, on that same bed. And, being the conscientious person that we all know me to be, I figured that both of those could be left out.

So I decided to not mention the bottom-rubbings and the spankings. I hope everyone is proud of me for not bringing that up. :)

I have also been asked why the biggest butt contest was not held. The answer to that is that it was my fault: I only brought a twenty-five foot tape measure.

The kissing booth was called off due to the fact that only two women volunteered as kissees, and there were potentially over a hundred and seventy kissers. Again, my fault, cause I had but one chapstick. However I'd like to thank my wife (and daughter!) for volunteering. Sorry honey.

I never made it to the pool, but my understanding is that the hotel has three bathing suits that were left in the water there. Lost and found? Maybe we can do a Cinderella thing with them next year?

The wine and cheese taster went over exceedingly well, Darlene doing her customary, exemplary best. I hope she didn't take it personally when Eileen made a face at a couple of the cheeses. You gotta understand that when we have a wine taster it involves four boxes of California Zinfindel and packages of Velveeta and Cracker-Barrel. Cheesits and Cheez-whiz for us. And what's with those years old wines? Where's the fresh stuff? :) It was PERFECT!!

Ann won the best hugger contest, and I have a confession: I was a secret hugger, and I voted for Ann. But in all fairness to the other huggers, I went back for hugs from Ann about seventeen times over the three days. Got a couple from Tom too, but I didn't let that interfere with my tallying.

Ah, who's next you say? Hmmmnn. Bill Alleman! I already said that he made me laugh till my stomach hurt, but I never said why. The problem here is that I don't have enough space to really describe the scenarios, it's kinda-sorta like you had to be there. Which because I have been told and I saw the pix I know I was there. I have never before seen a comedian do three solid hours of stand-up while sitting on a sofa! I fell off my chair twice just watching his facial expressions. I tried to keep up with him, Ma, really I did. But I was lacking, and sadly, was no match. "Is that a pledge pin!! On your uniform!!!" And, "I'm NOT gonna pay a lot for this muffler!!" come to mind immediately. Anyway, ask me sometime in person with Bill there and I'll tell you.

Rich ran a most excellent movie room, as I am told he always does. Rich: I really, really was not teasing you about the DVD player. And I was only joking about putting on that Johnny Holmes tape that was auctioned off by Joe.

Did anyone ever find those @&%@$&^$% cigar boxes I lost each of the three nights I was there? Anyone ever do a study on Mensans and memory loss? (I forgot what I just said).

John Bauman: I have another Cuban for you. Her name is Isabella and she thinks you have nice hands. Please have her back by April, when her green card expires.

Never have I been to such a gathering as this and not seen even one single person who wasn't having fun. Even the house-cleaning staff were happy. Even the guys picking up our trash seemed to be enjoying themselves.

I'm kinda glad I have a year to get ready up for the next one. . .